Day 171

So what's been happening of late?

Night shifts generally making me hate everything.

On the plus side:

Hexxed CD orders are well on under way. The band is knuckling down for the upcoming Distortion Project gig in May. We've been making progress with our live visuals and today we did a photo shoot with the much cool Marc Hurley. Things are moving along with Hexxed quite swimmingly.

Niall and I have got our Yo Yo night organised and have started promoting it around Belfast. Flyers look lovely! (Thanks Joel and me bro, James!)

Recorded with the QUBe guys. Quite pleased with the results.

Been listening to loads of nice musics recently...

Had a couple of fun days out with friends.

Yup. I'm really struggling with this list here, aren't I?

What can I say? Work has been making me feel out of sorts and it's been hard to pull myself into line and get on with things. Part of me has also been pining to get some "me time" as far as music projects and stuff go. Feel a bit like I'm doing a lot of stuff for lots of different people, but really, what's in it for me?

All this working for free is keeping me busy, sure, but is the balance between: Things that are fun and satisfying AND things that will actually benefit me, financially or down the line, being addressed to any extent?

Or am I just carrying on like it's all a hobbie?

I had to stop and ask myself recently: Do I actually enjoy all of this? What do I expect to get out of it? And I think there are heavy answers. The important thing is to enjoy the things that are basically meant to be fun (and creative), otherwise there really is no point continuing with them.

On the other hand, what about my future? I keep finding ways to avoid dealing with "plans". Why am I sabotaging myself? Am I just being lazy? Just lacking self-belief?

... In the meantime, I need to stop stressing out over all these things. Work and being on my own all the time doesn't feel healthy. I've been chasing my tail a bit too much.

I need to get out more!!

But I can't afford it...

Then I need a better job!

But then I won't have time to go out...

ETC. ETC. ETC...

le sigh.

:'(