In the last week or so I've thought about drinking a couple of times. I've had a tiny niggling feeling that I'm missing out on some of the banter and parties will never be the same again.
On the other hand, I've had some really nice times hanging out with friends recently and have enjoyed those situations much more than any number of piss-ups. Simply because I'm no longer a drunken mess yammering nonsense into people's earholes and when I reflect upon these things afterwards I don't feel that ache of guilt that I was being an ass, saying things I shouldn't have or that I was acting like a totally different person.
My will is strong and I know I won't fail, but I have a dark premonition of how I will try to sabotage my progress. These last 4 weeks have been a great period of growing clarity, like opening my eyes slowly, or waking up out of a light sleep, but in 2 or 3 months time I will take all this clarity and positivity for granted and my head will be saying things like, "there's no need to stay sober anymore, you're better now, you're happier" or "look at all the fun you're missing out on, don't you think you've sacrificed the 'good times' enough?"
Though even as I type that I find it hard to believe those thoughts will get much attention.
That's why this blog is important to me. It's important to keep a check on these things: a form of self-counselling. It's important that I do this challenge in steps, stop to reflect regularly and keep myself aware of the internal processes that are going on that might be trying to help or hinder me.
In other news, tonight was so much fucking great fun!
Hexxed band practice: Excellent riffage and lots of mental jams. Then home for food, then meeting up with Rachel, Paul and Caroline. Then Pizza! Then lip synching, choreography and Ronan Keating... I shall say no more.
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Friday, 27 November 2009
Day 28
Four weeks sober! Whoo hoo!! Break out the champa... err... no hold on.
Well, aside from a random headache the last couple of days (that comes and goes, seemingly directly related to the weather) I've been feeling very good. I've been getting some new (Doctor Lilt) tunes down, keeping myself busy with all things music and generally getting on with stuff.
I had a truly life affirming experience at the Black Box last Sunday for The Carousel gig. It featured a bunch of brilliant local musicians sitting around the audience and taking turns playing, either their own self-penned songs, or improvising completely on their instrument. Once one musician was elected to begin a piece the others would then join in with whatever they felt worked. It was most pleasing because of the Jools Holland style pace of moving between each musician and there were interesting musical extremes all round. A lot of folk / singer songwriter type stuff, but a lot of performers with their own distinct approaches and voices, in total contrast to the free improv LSD-trip style wigging out sessions that sprang up a few times too.
I felt incredibly self-conscious from where I sat as I couldn't contain how moved I was by certain musicians and yet I didn't want to draw attention to who I was focusing on. I smiled a lot and felt more than a few goosebumps break out. With a couple of performances I had to just cover my mouth for fear of catching flies as my jaw lay on the floor.
A really great show, the next one is sometime in February I believe. I can't wait.
Other than that this week has felt nice and full. Today I was practicing with Fragile Human Organs for the first time. We had plenty of technical difficulties as we try to work out how samples, electronics and effects are shared among the band and the logicistics of all that, but jamming through things is sounding good.
I'm looking forward to it all coming together over the coming weeks with FHO fo' sho! Tomorrow I'll be practicing with Hexxed for the first time.
Well, aside from a random headache the last couple of days (that comes and goes, seemingly directly related to the weather) I've been feeling very good. I've been getting some new (Doctor Lilt) tunes down, keeping myself busy with all things music and generally getting on with stuff.
I had a truly life affirming experience at the Black Box last Sunday for The Carousel gig. It featured a bunch of brilliant local musicians sitting around the audience and taking turns playing, either their own self-penned songs, or improvising completely on their instrument. Once one musician was elected to begin a piece the others would then join in with whatever they felt worked. It was most pleasing because of the Jools Holland style pace of moving between each musician and there were interesting musical extremes all round. A lot of folk / singer songwriter type stuff, but a lot of performers with their own distinct approaches and voices, in total contrast to the free improv LSD-trip style wigging out sessions that sprang up a few times too.
I felt incredibly self-conscious from where I sat as I couldn't contain how moved I was by certain musicians and yet I didn't want to draw attention to who I was focusing on. I smiled a lot and felt more than a few goosebumps break out. With a couple of performances I had to just cover my mouth for fear of catching flies as my jaw lay on the floor.
A really great show, the next one is sometime in February I believe. I can't wait.
Other than that this week has felt nice and full. Today I was practicing with Fragile Human Organs for the first time. We had plenty of technical difficulties as we try to work out how samples, electronics and effects are shared among the band and the logicistics of all that, but jamming through things is sounding good.
I'm looking forward to it all coming together over the coming weeks with FHO fo' sho! Tomorrow I'll be practicing with Hexxed for the first time.
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Day 23
Not much more to report. I was out last night drinking alcohol free BitBurger. It was OK.
Here's a brief list of non-alcoholic beverages I might prefer to drink in a bar:
1. Pure fruit juice (like orange / pineapple / raspberry) or smoothies.
PROS: Tasty, healthy (possibly)
CONS: Keeps ye regular... Maybe too regular. Expensive! Bars tend to charge £1.50 for about 200ml of juice. Personally I think that's a bit of a rip off.
2. Thick ice-cream milshakes
PROS: mmmmmm yummy.
CONS: Could I really drink / eat that all night? Also probably quite fattening and pretty unhealthy after a while.
3. Fizzy drinks (coke / lemonade etc)
PROS: ... cold
CONS: Too sweet, too sticky, too expensive and general yuckiness
4. Water
PROS: About the most healthy thing you can drink (probably)
CONS: Image factor (including embarrassment of having to ask for it at bar. Having to ask for tap water as you don't want to pay. Having people at the bar look at you funny. Having your mates sleg the life out of you)
5. Coffe / Tea
PROS: Nice.
CONS: Caffeine MAKES ME HYPER HYPER HYPER (uppercut)... !!!!11!!1!!!!!11!!!one!!!!1111two!!! It's hard to hold a cup and saucer of tea in a crowded bar (see also: being slegged to death by your mates).
Your suggestions are very welcome
Here's a brief list of non-alcoholic beverages I might prefer to drink in a bar:
1. Pure fruit juice (like orange / pineapple / raspberry) or smoothies.
PROS: Tasty, healthy (possibly)
CONS: Keeps ye regular... Maybe too regular. Expensive! Bars tend to charge £1.50 for about 200ml of juice. Personally I think that's a bit of a rip off.
2. Thick ice-cream milshakes
PROS: mmmmmm yummy.
CONS: Could I really drink / eat that all night? Also probably quite fattening and pretty unhealthy after a while.
3. Fizzy drinks (coke / lemonade etc)
PROS: ... cold
CONS: Too sweet, too sticky, too expensive and general yuckiness
4. Water
PROS: About the most healthy thing you can drink (probably)
CONS: Image factor (including embarrassment of having to ask for it at bar. Having to ask for tap water as you don't want to pay. Having people at the bar look at you funny. Having your mates sleg the life out of you)
5. Coffe / Tea
PROS: Nice.
CONS: Caffeine MAKES ME HYPER HYPER HYPER (uppercut)... !!!!11!!1!!!!!11!!!one!!!!1111two!!! It's hard to hold a cup and saucer of tea in a crowded bar (see also: being slegged to death by your mates).
Your suggestions are very welcome
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Day 19
As it's before 1:00am, I'm on day 19 of staying sober. Still feeling fine and dandy.
Just wanted to say that the Just Giving 'widget' on this blog, showing what has been raised in donations so far for SANE, is actually wrong. According to what is in my Paypal account there is more than that.
I've checked the small print and it's not some sort of fee that Just Giving are charging, so I'm not sure what's going on there. Maybe after the next few donations the widget will refresh properly and show the right amount. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up.
Just wanted to say that the Just Giving 'widget' on this blog, showing what has been raised in donations so far for SANE, is actually wrong. According to what is in my Paypal account there is more than that.
I've checked the small print and it's not some sort of fee that Just Giving are charging, so I'm not sure what's going on there. Maybe after the next few donations the widget will refresh properly and show the right amount. Anyway, just wanted to clear that up.
Monday, 16 November 2009
DAY 17
Still being sober. Whoo...
It's been pointed out to me that to raise more money for charity I'm going to have to consider doing more than... Well nothing. People aren't so keen to donate to someone NOT doing something for a year, so I reckon at some point I will need to think of smaller fundraisers to encourage donations. One idea was to go out on a pub crawl with a load of mates and when they are going to buy me a pint, I'll simply take the cash as a donation.
This would be a nice way to get together with people as a fundraising event, while also being a good test of my determination to stay sober being around all my mates who'd be getting rat-arsed and having a geg.
Been to training at work today, my first experience of the '9 - 5 Rat Race' since I worked in a miserable call centre a couple of years ago and I must say dear readers, I did not enjoy it one bit.
Whether I raise a lot of money for charity, get more work as a vocal performer or not, one thing I never want to do is a 9 - 5 job in any kind of city. To coin a phrase... F**K THAT!
It's been pointed out to me that to raise more money for charity I'm going to have to consider doing more than... Well nothing. People aren't so keen to donate to someone NOT doing something for a year, so I reckon at some point I will need to think of smaller fundraisers to encourage donations. One idea was to go out on a pub crawl with a load of mates and when they are going to buy me a pint, I'll simply take the cash as a donation.
This would be a nice way to get together with people as a fundraising event, while also being a good test of my determination to stay sober being around all my mates who'd be getting rat-arsed and having a geg.
Been to training at work today, my first experience of the '9 - 5 Rat Race' since I worked in a miserable call centre a couple of years ago and I must say dear readers, I did not enjoy it one bit.
Whether I raise a lot of money for charity, get more work as a vocal performer or not, one thing I never want to do is a 9 - 5 job in any kind of city. To coin a phrase... F**K THAT!
ADDICTION
A few years ago I badly wanted a copy of Trainspotting, the debut novel that made Irvine Welsh a massive literary star, of course in no small part to the iconic generation-defining movie based on the book.
I’d seen the film quite a few times and loved it. I bought the soundtrack on CD and played it until it wouldn’t anymore. So to me, absorbing the book was the last stage in completing the Trainspotting enterprise. The problem was that I am a cheapskate and I barely read. So I was only ready to read the book if either someone was willing to give me a copy, lend it to me or if I found it in a cheap second hand bookshop.
While the best second hand bookshop in Belfast had many slightly ruffled copies of Irvine Welsh’s novels (Porno, Filth, Ecstasy) I could never find Trainspotting. Perhaps it’s one that people like to hold on to? But then I ventured into the shop and had two surprises. The first was based on a book I had just ordered on Amazon for a total of £4.09: Allen Carr’s Easyway To Stop Smoking. A bargain I thought. I bought this book because while I had a copy in the house, had completed it and had given up smoking already, I had two friends who wanted to borrow it at the same time. I had placed my online order for the book and swiftly discovered around seven copies of the Easyway book in the second hand bookshop, each priced £2. Seven copies! And that was without even trying to find them.
The second surprise was seeing around the same number of copies of Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting and joy was returned to me to discover another bargain: £2. For someone who doesn’t read a lot of books, I do love that wee bookshop!
I’m now about halfway through it. The most obvious things all to come mind, so I don’t want to spend too much time saying them all again (reading Scottish slang takes a little while to get used to, the book makes the film seem like a Disney movie etc.) but I was quite intrigued when I read the chapter where Mark Renton reflects, quite astutely, on the psychology of what might lead to a life of petty crime and Heroin addiction.
To me addiction is a process and while there is a minefield of clichés I could utter on the subject and I’m sure many characters in Trainspotting would despise me for probing it, the process of addiction is the same no matter what your drug of choice.
When I hear smokers say things like, “I’ll probably give it up soon” or “I’ll try to quit one of these days” I feel a mixture of humour and frustration. I don’t believe them for a second and it is obvious people make these statements without really thinking about what they’re saying. ‘I’ll probably give it up soon’ implies no genuine certainty or assertiveness about quitting; it’s the constant mantra of the guilty smoker: “Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or next week etc” (which translates to them telling you: Just get off my back, OK?)
I feel the same frustration and slight amusement (and pity) when I see smokers who say, “I’m not addicted, I can quit when I want” as they light up and join in on the ‘social’ smoking with friends in the outside smoking area of a bar.
These delusional statements are exactly the same with any other addiction and I know I’ve heard myself say similar things when I was addicted to smoking cannabis everyday, all those years ago. “I’ll quit for three months, just to prove to myself I can, then I’ll know that I can control it.” And when I failed to reach that three month mark?
“Well I managed to stay off it for a few weeks and I feel a lot better now, so that’s OK”.
But the fact is, these are the words of an addict in total denial of their addiction.
I have often thought how hard it must be for counsellors, social workers, psychologists, carers, parents, friends and families who try to help someone deal with their addiction. How emotionally exhausting it must be to see someone destroy themselves, sometimes without even realising they’re doing it. Either oblivious to how serious their problem is and finding the concerns of others totally unwarranted, or so far gone that they simply refuse to acknowledge how much damage they’re causing.
However, I finally came to my conclusion a while ago, after witnessing a couple of close friends fall into drugs or alcohol abuse.
At the end of the day, it is their life. And while that initially may seem insensitive, it isn’t. For an addict goes through many stages of their addiction and throughout these stages you may try to help, intervene, scare them, support them etc. and you’ll pull your hair out and wear yourself down emotionally for absolutely nothing. Because there is only one point in the addiction process where an addict is going to acknowledge any of these expressions of concern or hands of help being reached out to them and that is when the addict finally accepts the full extent of what his addiction is.
It’s when the addict stops living in denial of his problem.
One day, about eleven years ago, I woke up and I made a decision, “I have to quit taking this drug as it’s having obvious negative effects on my life!” Clearly at that time certain things in my life had been so bad that I came to this decision. Perhaps other people advised me, perhaps I simply felt depressed and lethargic all the time. Whatever the circumstances I knew that my addiction to cannabis had gotten so bad that I needed to stop and reflect on my usage.
At that point I tried to make a realistic goal for myself, “If I can quit for three months, I’ll have proven to myself I can control my usage of this drug, instead of letting it control me”. However, pretty soon I was overwhelmed with this idea that I’d done ‘enough’ to prove to myself I was in control and so this original goal I made for myself was now selectively wiped out of my own memory.
So to summarise, I had a plan: I would convince myself I was in control of this addiction by staying off this drug for 3 months
I had a result: Failure after less than 2 months.
And so the outcome: I unequivocally proved to myself that I was NOT in control of my addiction at all.
Cue several more months of drug abuse. Of course every addict has excuses and their particular experience is unique and complex, but it's one of the most frustrating things to see someone you care about caught in that spiral of addiction (at whatever point), you can so clearly see their future and yet feel unable to do anything about it. Especially if you've already been through it yourself.
I’d seen the film quite a few times and loved it. I bought the soundtrack on CD and played it until it wouldn’t anymore. So to me, absorbing the book was the last stage in completing the Trainspotting enterprise. The problem was that I am a cheapskate and I barely read. So I was only ready to read the book if either someone was willing to give me a copy, lend it to me or if I found it in a cheap second hand bookshop.
While the best second hand bookshop in Belfast had many slightly ruffled copies of Irvine Welsh’s novels (Porno, Filth, Ecstasy) I could never find Trainspotting. Perhaps it’s one that people like to hold on to? But then I ventured into the shop and had two surprises. The first was based on a book I had just ordered on Amazon for a total of £4.09: Allen Carr’s Easyway To Stop Smoking. A bargain I thought. I bought this book because while I had a copy in the house, had completed it and had given up smoking already, I had two friends who wanted to borrow it at the same time. I had placed my online order for the book and swiftly discovered around seven copies of the Easyway book in the second hand bookshop, each priced £2. Seven copies! And that was without even trying to find them.
The second surprise was seeing around the same number of copies of Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting and joy was returned to me to discover another bargain: £2. For someone who doesn’t read a lot of books, I do love that wee bookshop!
I’m now about halfway through it. The most obvious things all to come mind, so I don’t want to spend too much time saying them all again (reading Scottish slang takes a little while to get used to, the book makes the film seem like a Disney movie etc.) but I was quite intrigued when I read the chapter where Mark Renton reflects, quite astutely, on the psychology of what might lead to a life of petty crime and Heroin addiction.
To me addiction is a process and while there is a minefield of clichés I could utter on the subject and I’m sure many characters in Trainspotting would despise me for probing it, the process of addiction is the same no matter what your drug of choice.
When I hear smokers say things like, “I’ll probably give it up soon” or “I’ll try to quit one of these days” I feel a mixture of humour and frustration. I don’t believe them for a second and it is obvious people make these statements without really thinking about what they’re saying. ‘I’ll probably give it up soon’ implies no genuine certainty or assertiveness about quitting; it’s the constant mantra of the guilty smoker: “Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or next week etc” (which translates to them telling you: Just get off my back, OK?)
I feel the same frustration and slight amusement (and pity) when I see smokers who say, “I’m not addicted, I can quit when I want” as they light up and join in on the ‘social’ smoking with friends in the outside smoking area of a bar.
These delusional statements are exactly the same with any other addiction and I know I’ve heard myself say similar things when I was addicted to smoking cannabis everyday, all those years ago. “I’ll quit for three months, just to prove to myself I can, then I’ll know that I can control it.” And when I failed to reach that three month mark?
“Well I managed to stay off it for a few weeks and I feel a lot better now, so that’s OK”.
But the fact is, these are the words of an addict in total denial of their addiction.
I have often thought how hard it must be for counsellors, social workers, psychologists, carers, parents, friends and families who try to help someone deal with their addiction. How emotionally exhausting it must be to see someone destroy themselves, sometimes without even realising they’re doing it. Either oblivious to how serious their problem is and finding the concerns of others totally unwarranted, or so far gone that they simply refuse to acknowledge how much damage they’re causing.
However, I finally came to my conclusion a while ago, after witnessing a couple of close friends fall into drugs or alcohol abuse.
At the end of the day, it is their life. And while that initially may seem insensitive, it isn’t. For an addict goes through many stages of their addiction and throughout these stages you may try to help, intervene, scare them, support them etc. and you’ll pull your hair out and wear yourself down emotionally for absolutely nothing. Because there is only one point in the addiction process where an addict is going to acknowledge any of these expressions of concern or hands of help being reached out to them and that is when the addict finally accepts the full extent of what his addiction is.
It’s when the addict stops living in denial of his problem.
One day, about eleven years ago, I woke up and I made a decision, “I have to quit taking this drug as it’s having obvious negative effects on my life!” Clearly at that time certain things in my life had been so bad that I came to this decision. Perhaps other people advised me, perhaps I simply felt depressed and lethargic all the time. Whatever the circumstances I knew that my addiction to cannabis had gotten so bad that I needed to stop and reflect on my usage.
At that point I tried to make a realistic goal for myself, “If I can quit for three months, I’ll have proven to myself I can control my usage of this drug, instead of letting it control me”. However, pretty soon I was overwhelmed with this idea that I’d done ‘enough’ to prove to myself I was in control and so this original goal I made for myself was now selectively wiped out of my own memory.
So to summarise, I had a plan: I would convince myself I was in control of this addiction by staying off this drug for 3 months
I had a result: Failure after less than 2 months.
And so the outcome: I unequivocally proved to myself that I was NOT in control of my addiction at all.
Cue several more months of drug abuse. Of course every addict has excuses and their particular experience is unique and complex, but it's one of the most frustrating things to see someone you care about caught in that spiral of addiction (at whatever point), you can so clearly see their future and yet feel unable to do anything about it. Especially if you've already been through it yourself.
Saturday, 14 November 2009
SANE.org.uk
Yes. As mentioned before I have found a charity to try and raise money for and I think this one is especially deserving given my own mental illness experiences and that of others very close to me. I definitely feel strongly about some of the attitudes in society that treat people with any of sort of mental illness with distrust and disapproval. I think that while there are obviously carers and professional people out there who take the welfare of their patients seriously, my experience has shown me that a lot of institutions are more than happy to ply people with medication and send them on their way. People close to me who have suffered from mental illness have received totally inadequate support from our health services and I find this is partly due to a large misunderstanding to what people's needs are.
Anyway, when I seen that raising awareness and providing help to people with mental illness are two of SANE's main goals, I thought they would be a great organisation to try to support an I very much hope I can convince you to feel the same way too.
In their own words:
SANE has three objectives:
- To raise awareness and respect for people with mental illness and their families and secure better services
- To undertake research into the causes of serious mental illness through The Prince of Wales International Centre for SANE Research
- To provide help and information to those experiencing mental health problems, their families and carers throughSANEline and SANEmail.
Raising awareness
SANE campaigns to combat stigma and ignorance and improve care, giving nearly 400 interviews each year on national and local television and radio, generating hundreds of column inches in the press and participating in government and professional initiatives.
Major concerns highlighted by SANE have been the prevention of suicide and self-harm, the improverishment of psychiatric wards and services, the need for a better balance between rights in mental health law, and the link between cannabis and psychosis.
SANE's Art Awards have encouraged nearly 200 artists and writer with serious mental illness to explore their creative ability.
Undertaking research
In 2003 SANE opened The Prince of Wales International Centre for SANE Research in Oxford. Under the guidance of Professor Tim Crow the centre aims to establish the causes of and better treatments forschizophrenia and bipolar disorder, and to act as an international forum, disseminating education, awareness and information to other scientists and the public.
Providing help
SANE's national telephone helpline, SANEline, was set up in 1992. SANEline volunteers currently handle an average of over 2000 calls every month from men, women and children affected by mental health problems as well as their carers and health professionals.
SANE's vision is to use its proven helpline expertise to reach many more people affected by mental illness, their families and friends. In 2007, SANEmail was launched. This new email support service provides vital online support to people who may find talking about their mental health problems difficult, or who perhaps can't use the phone because of a disability.
We cannot do this without your help and support so please consider making a donation or perhaps offering your time as a volunteer on SANEline or SANEmail.
I've also setup a page at Just Giving and added a widget to this blog so people can find it even easier to donate!
So that's all for now. I'm onstage in a couple of hours here at SARC, supporting Chris Corsano. I'm wearing my SANE t-shirt and hopefully there will be some video (and maybe some photos) to follow!
DAY 15
Things have been hectic the last few days as I get prepared for a gig tomorrow evening.
More info (and tickets) here.
I haven't yet had time to blog about the great news of the charity I'm going to be raising money for with my Sober For A Year Challenge, but I have received their info in the post along with a couple of t-shirts! I shall be proudly wearing one onstage while performing tomorrow.
More info (and tickets) here.
I haven't yet had time to blog about the great news of the charity I'm going to be raising money for with my Sober For A Year Challenge, but I have received their info in the post along with a couple of t-shirts! I shall be proudly wearing one onstage while performing tomorrow.
I'm still sober and feeling good for it. I haven't done my exercise in the last few days and partly that was my sore foot (which is fine now), the miserable weather and nearly entirely pure laziness. Oh well.
....mañana. mañana. mañana.
Diet wise: mostly boiled eggs, brown nutty bread and camomile tea! So tonight I 'rewarded' myself with a dirty Mixed Chicken Kebab from the take away around the corner. Oh it was delicious.
Bought some sweeties from the shop beside that too. Well, it's for all my 'hard work' spending hours here in college to practice, prepare and program the technology I'm using in my setup (A laptop running a Max/MSP patch, a Korg Kaoss Pad and NanoKontrol, an M-Audio 49e).
The last three nights I've been doing all nighters here, (3am, 6am then tonight, probably about 2:30am) so for once I'm actually glad my job puts my sleeping pattern all out of sync.
Just winding down now, typing this from a Mac in the SARC, MA Lab (leaving my laptop and gear here, all plugged in, setup and ready to go). This is also probably the last time I'll be here in this part of the SARC. Tomorrow will be a nice way to say goodbye to the place. Looking forward to performing and then getting to enjoy Chris Corsano's performance afterwards.
Bye for now.
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Day 12
ARRRGGHHH I can't sleeeeeeeeeep!! Damn you WEEKEND OF NIGHT SHIFT!!!
It's 5:25 am and I feel about as sleepy as an insomniac washing himself in a shower of espresso.
Yesterday, as in Tuesday 10th November, I spent sometime sorting out a passport, renewing my library membership, drinking far too much coffee and then pummelling the crap out of my cousin's drumkit and guitars. Good times.
In other less frantic and despairing news, in fact in wonderfully good news:
I have found a charity that I am going to donate all the proceeds of my Sober For A Year challenge to. I shall explain more about this when I am in a better condition at a less hideous hour of the day.
At which point I shall expect you all to dig deep and give generously. Or else!
Actually is threatening people a positive way to win over their willingness to donate money to a just and worthy cause?
Perhaps not.
Well anyway, good 'night' for now...
It's 5:25 am and I feel about as sleepy as an insomniac washing himself in a shower of espresso.
Yesterday, as in Tuesday 10th November, I spent sometime sorting out a passport, renewing my library membership, drinking far too much coffee and then pummelling the crap out of my cousin's drumkit and guitars. Good times.
In other less frantic and despairing news, in fact in wonderfully good news:
I have found a charity that I am going to donate all the proceeds of my Sober For A Year challenge to. I shall explain more about this when I am in a better condition at a less hideous hour of the day.
At which point I shall expect you all to dig deep and give generously. Or else!
Actually is threatening people a positive way to win over their willingness to donate money to a just and worthy cause?
Perhaps not.
Well anyway, good 'night' for now...
Monday, 9 November 2009
Day 10
Walking to and from work is going well.
Eating too many Walkers Mango Chilli crisps (but it's only 92p for 6 packets!) however. Cycling or swimming is becoming a more and more sensible idea.
Pros:
Swimming would exercise more of my body.
Cycling would probably be a better 'cardio' workout (or something).
I live close to QUB's Gym. There's also FitSpace not far from me.
There's also Falls Swimming Pool. Andersonstown Leisure centre. Olympia Leisure centre. All within reasonable distance to me.
Cons:
Gyms are too expensive and I don't want to sign up to some contract.
I feel awfully prudish about getting into wee swimming trunks / been years since I've gotten naked around other men in the shower room. Feel all... umm... Yea...
These are pretty weak "cons" aren't they?
I can just use the leisure centres the odd time, just to see if I like them before signing any contract. As for swimming trunks, I can use shorts. Stripping off in shower room? I can use a towel.
OK. No more silly excuses.
I am also considering buying a bike again.
Someone stole my last one. Though to be honest I was kinda glad, as I was about to move house and it wouldn't have fit in the removal van. Plus I was sick of constantly fixing punctures on it.
Still haven't found a charity to do all this for. I was thinking Children In Need which is coming up on the 20th November, but I don't know if a year long fundraiser would appeal to them. I suppose I could phone them. Must research a bit more...
Eating too many Walkers Mango Chilli crisps (but it's only 92p for 6 packets!) however. Cycling or swimming is becoming a more and more sensible idea.
Pros:
Swimming would exercise more of my body.
Cycling would probably be a better 'cardio' workout (or something).
I live close to QUB's Gym. There's also FitSpace not far from me.
There's also Falls Swimming Pool. Andersonstown Leisure centre. Olympia Leisure centre. All within reasonable distance to me.
Cons:
Gyms are too expensive and I don't want to sign up to some contract.
I feel awfully prudish about getting into wee swimming trunks / been years since I've gotten naked around other men in the shower room. Feel all... umm... Yea...
These are pretty weak "cons" aren't they?
I can just use the leisure centres the odd time, just to see if I like them before signing any contract. As for swimming trunks, I can use shorts. Stripping off in shower room? I can use a towel.
OK. No more silly excuses.
I am also considering buying a bike again.
Someone stole my last one. Though to be honest I was kinda glad, as I was about to move house and it wouldn't have fit in the removal van. Plus I was sick of constantly fixing punctures on it.
Still haven't found a charity to do all this for. I was thinking Children In Need which is coming up on the 20th November, but I don't know if a year long fundraiser would appeal to them. I suppose I could phone them. Must research a bit more...
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Day 8?
It's awfully confusing for me working out the days for this thing. Mainly because I quit 'officially' just after 1:00am on 30th October 2009. Basically that means by 31st Oct 09 I completed 1 day of sobriety. Actually... Hold on. It isn't confusing at all. I'm just being a pillock... Nevermind.
I walked to work tonight. A journey of about 45 mins. My foot seems to hurt more when I'm off my feet. So the first couple of minutes walking to work were a little sore, but then the pain subsided a bit. It's still hurting now, but I can walk again so that's something. I don't think I'm ready to jog yet. Cycling would be a bloody good idea: exercise and not having to worry about foot pain. I don't have a bike though. Hmmm.
The problem, as I mentioned before is the random night shifts in work. I am now here in work until 8am. When I leave here in the morning I will want to do little more than sleep. It's just the way my head works: After a long shift it's time to wind down, even if the entire shift consists of sitting in a portacabin, drinking tea, eating crisps and writing this blog.
Diet news:
Noodles and toast today. Tonight I'm having a nice chicken tikka baguette, pot noodle thing, crisps (and another guilty pleasure in the form of a lovely sugary big 2lt bottle of lemon fanta). Plus lots of camomille tea (been drinking LOADS of this stuff recently, in an attempt to cut down on caffeine).
I walked to work tonight. A journey of about 45 mins. My foot seems to hurt more when I'm off my feet. So the first couple of minutes walking to work were a little sore, but then the pain subsided a bit. It's still hurting now, but I can walk again so that's something. I don't think I'm ready to jog yet. Cycling would be a bloody good idea: exercise and not having to worry about foot pain. I don't have a bike though. Hmmm.
The problem, as I mentioned before is the random night shifts in work. I am now here in work until 8am. When I leave here in the morning I will want to do little more than sleep. It's just the way my head works: After a long shift it's time to wind down, even if the entire shift consists of sitting in a portacabin, drinking tea, eating crisps and writing this blog.
Diet news:
Noodles and toast today. Tonight I'm having a nice chicken tikka baguette, pot noodle thing, crisps (and another guilty pleasure in the form of a lovely sugary big 2lt bottle of lemon fanta). Plus lots of camomille tea (been drinking LOADS of this stuff recently, in an attempt to cut down on caffeine).
Friday, 6 November 2009
1 WEEK
Woot! Woot! Wee celebration. 1 week and counting.
At the 1 week mark, how am I feeling?
Well I'm glad you asked! As I said in the previous post, I really crapped my foot up there on Tuesday. If anything that pain is even worse now. So I've been in bed all day, meaning no joggy/walk exercise this evening. Naughtiness. I know, I know, I know...
Still, the most important thing is my commitment to stop drinking alcohol or take any substances stronger than tea/coffee for an entire year and I'm sticking to that with no problems at all so far.
So yes, I felt guilty for doing bugger all today, limping around the house at those few times I've climbed out of bed. I need to organise my time better and I mean something more effective than writing "to do" lists for errands: I need a rigorous daily/weekly routine and it needs to take into account my slightly random work rota.
Talking about my work situation, here are some points that have come to mind recently:
1. As I am a 'floater' I get work whenever I'm needed. This means I get asked to do shifts with, at most, about a week's advance notice. Generally I get asked to do shifts one or two days before. Sometimes I get asked to go into work on the same day. I'm OK with this really, but not knowing my rota week by week (or even day by day) is causing problems for organising a lot of other areas in my life. My job also doesn't guarantee the number of hours of work I get per week. My monthly pay can fluctuate fairly significantly throughout the year.
A situation that was fine while I was a student at Queen's (until June this year) as I was also recieving quarterly student benefits, which certainly helped things.
2. However, now my pay is pretty crap. I'm not struggling, but I am constantly asking myself: At 30 years old, how long do I plan to be on minimum wage? The rest of my working life?
3. If I am going to consider some sort of more profitable career and it isn't going to be with my music skills, then what will it be? Am I going to consider getting educated or qualified in another vocation?
Stuff to give some thought to in the coming weeks.
At the 1 week mark, how am I feeling?
Well I'm glad you asked! As I said in the previous post, I really crapped my foot up there on Tuesday. If anything that pain is even worse now. So I've been in bed all day, meaning no joggy/walk exercise this evening. Naughtiness. I know, I know, I know...
Still, the most important thing is my commitment to stop drinking alcohol or take any substances stronger than tea/coffee for an entire year and I'm sticking to that with no problems at all so far.
So yes, I felt guilty for doing bugger all today, limping around the house at those few times I've climbed out of bed. I need to organise my time better and I mean something more effective than writing "to do" lists for errands: I need a rigorous daily/weekly routine and it needs to take into account my slightly random work rota.
Talking about my work situation, here are some points that have come to mind recently:
1. As I am a 'floater' I get work whenever I'm needed. This means I get asked to do shifts with, at most, about a week's advance notice. Generally I get asked to do shifts one or two days before. Sometimes I get asked to go into work on the same day. I'm OK with this really, but not knowing my rota week by week (or even day by day) is causing problems for organising a lot of other areas in my life. My job also doesn't guarantee the number of hours of work I get per week. My monthly pay can fluctuate fairly significantly throughout the year.
A situation that was fine while I was a student at Queen's (until June this year) as I was also recieving quarterly student benefits, which certainly helped things.
2. However, now my pay is pretty crap. I'm not struggling, but I am constantly asking myself: At 30 years old, how long do I plan to be on minimum wage? The rest of my working life?
3. If I am going to consider some sort of more profitable career and it isn't going to be with my music skills, then what will it be? Am I going to consider getting educated or qualified in another vocation?
Stuff to give some thought to in the coming weeks.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Day 5
I was up recording vocals for the first batch of brand new Fragile Human Organs' tracks today. http://www.myspace.com/fragilehumanorgans
I think we have now got all the recording done and dusted. Nothing left but for the Chief Captain on Deck to get her all fixed and mixed up and then we've got ourselves a finished release! Can't wait to hear it when it's done.
More of this sort of thing.
In other news, tonight I didn't do my joggy/walk exercise. Long story short, I've injured my foot badly (by wearing an old crap pair of trainers).
Besides, after recording I went to see Up at the cinema (ooh is that something in my contact lense *sniff* *sniff*...) followed by a chinese all-you-can-eat buffet. So long day, loads of food and I'm pretty wrecked now.
All in all, I've done 6 days in a row of the joogy/walk routine. That's not too bad. So I'm allowed a day off. I'll do more again tomorrow, promise.
Diet: Well "meal deal" at tescos: Fruit juice, pasta chicken salad thing and crisps, that wasn't too heavy and kept me going for the day, but then of course all that chinese food was pretty big on the calorie count I'm sure.
*BURRRRAAAAPPPPP*
I think we have now got all the recording done and dusted. Nothing left but for the Chief Captain on Deck to get her all fixed and mixed up and then we've got ourselves a finished release! Can't wait to hear it when it's done.
More of this sort of thing.
In other news, tonight I didn't do my joggy/walk exercise. Long story short, I've injured my foot badly (by wearing an old crap pair of trainers).
Besides, after recording I went to see Up at the cinema (ooh is that something in my contact lense *sniff* *sniff*...) followed by a chinese all-you-can-eat buffet. So long day, loads of food and I'm pretty wrecked now.
All in all, I've done 6 days in a row of the joogy/walk routine. That's not too bad. So I'm allowed a day off. I'll do more again tomorrow, promise.
Diet: Well "meal deal" at tescos: Fruit juice, pasta chicken salad thing and crisps, that wasn't too heavy and kept me going for the day, but then of course all that chinese food was pretty big on the calorie count I'm sure.
*BURRRRAAAAPPPPP*
Monday, 2 November 2009
DAY 4
Glad to have a day off after a stretch of night shifts up in the Landfill. While I have been doing some minimal exercise while at work, tonight was my first attempt to do a "wee bit of jogging, followed by 1 hour of brisk walking" in a more public place - with pedestrians and cars about etc.
I didn't feel too self-conscious because it was dark and I went out towards Upper Malone Road, where there were fewer people walking around who might point and laugh at me.
I need proper running trainers and probably shorts (instead of jeans) though.
Oh well, feel all the better for it.
I'm now going to have an early night, which is good, hopefully gets my sleep pattern back in order.
Oh, food wise: Not very good. Pizza and potato croquettes. err... Yea, I know.
I bought a salad, but I didn't use any of it.
Oh well. I still have a bit of work to do on that side of things.
Night.
I didn't feel too self-conscious because it was dark and I went out towards Upper Malone Road, where there were fewer people walking around who might point and laugh at me.
I need proper running trainers and probably shorts (instead of jeans) though.
Oh well, feel all the better for it.
I'm now going to have an early night, which is good, hopefully gets my sleep pattern back in order.
Oh, food wise: Not very good. Pizza and potato croquettes. err... Yea, I know.
I bought a salad, but I didn't use any of it.
Oh well. I still have a bit of work to do on that side of things.
Night.
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