... And then I met someone who I could talk to about all this is in a rational, non-judgmental way.

I decided to give moderation another go and he has been supportive of me through this time.

I've never really been an alcoholic and I feel implying tthrough this website, that I once may have been,  is grossly misleading and dangerous.

I've had bouts, or periods of overindulgence. I've had periods of letting myself go, maybe too much, due to a lack of stimulation in other areas of my life, in those times I've been concerned that I've not had control over my drinking, I've worried about my patterns.

But when I met my partner this year and through talking about it and feeling genuinely supported by him over several months, I realised I could drink in a responsible way and that there was never really a time that I was out of control. Yes, there were times I was drinking too much, but I don't consider that alcoholism. And it's not that I'm 'ashamed' to think of myself that way. In fact, I am more concerned that some people reading this, who have had a much harder time with alcohol or addiction, will feel I am being dismissive about the impact of drink and how dangerous it can be.

So it's not right for me to play into the amateur dramatics of discussing having a 'problem' when, actually, I've never truly felt that I have had a serious problem.

Or to put it another way:

A problem with moderation doesn't immediately equal a problem with addiction.

And this is what is really difficult to discuss: It's not a useful or popular stance to take on the topic of addiction or recreational use, as it doesn't help people who have had harder experience with it, but there is a definite area of using / drinking etc. that isn't a serious problem.

I guess that's where dangerous patterns arise: Using too much inevitably leads to addiction. ... WITHOUT MODERATION.

Moderation (as I've said a million times before) has always been hard for me. But that changed when I met my partner. I felt my life had been given some direction again. I realised that often I had been drinking because I was bored and lonely. When I met my partner in July 2012, I wasn't drinking. It was Oct 6th, when I had my first drink since May 16th. Nearly 5 months without booze. And it was 3 months into our relationship before I had a drink.

So I guess I am concerned that I said I would never drink again on May 16th. How do I justify breaking that promise? I guess I can say sorry to anyone reading this.

I am sorry for making dramatic promises that were based on exaggerated details of my life at that time.

I have made a new promise to myself since then: No more ALL or NOTHING approaches to life. There is always a dramatic, knee-jerk way to respond and deal with things in life. And sometimes that attitude gets things done. But it's determination and focus that really changes things, not stubbornness, not knee-jerk reaction.

The future for me is considering options, making mature decisions, trying things out, not condemning them in fear or shying away from alternatives. Not quick fix solutions. Not 'one way or no way'. Not short sighted goals, but evolving and growing with new discoveries and achievements.

We'll see how it goes...

All the best for 2013!