Day 333 (again) - So. Getting fired...

So here it is, the story of the meeting that lead to me being booted out of and such as...

I arrived at the meeting about 5 minutes late. I must confess that I found it hard to give a fuck, given that I had to travel over an hour just to come to meeting that would probably result in me being given the sack.

Before I went into the meeting I spoke to another colleague at reception. "Hi, how's it going?" She picked up the phone, spoke to someone, put the phone down, spoke to me, "He's coming to get you now." OK. I'm thinking it doesn't bode well when a colleague whom I've worked with for the last 4 months blanks me in this way. Meanwhile a big, 'ard maaawwwwnnn (one of the ones that floats about and looks at you like you've just guffed in his steak and kidney pie) stands in reception and eyes me up and down. I turn to him and say "Alright mate?" He also doesn't respond.

I know I have a tendency towards paranoia, but I also have spent the last year sober and in that time I've paid attention to my triggers. This was an occasion where I knew I could get nervous and fearful, but I wasn't either. I was past caring to be honest. So I can't be 100% sure, but I strongly felt like I was walking into a scenario where people wanted me to feel intimidated. Why was that guy there? Why didn't he nor my other colleague respond to me, with even a bit of politeness or manners?

From a non-suspicious perspective: They were just being unprofessional. They were just being dicks, like so many people who work in the company: So let it roll off my back and move on, I thought to myself.

My supervisor walks into reception: Another "big 'ard mawwwwn" with an unapologetic intimidating gait. My heart sinks. I didn't want him to be here throughout this interview. This immediately removes my ability to be completely frank about the staff I have worked with and the inappropriate language and behaviour I've witnessed from some of them, (including this supervisor). But that just makes it all so much clearer to me: As far as anyone in this interview is concerned, it is my behaviour that has been inappropriate, not there's!

And so the farcical comedy of the interview begins, my supervisor is there to take notes and write down EVERYTHING that is said between me and the area manager. Of course! What better way to make sure I will keep my words brief: Put the intimidating supervisor in there and let me sit through 10 minutes of being told my every crime in agonising detail.

I start laughing at one point and interrupt this process: "Look, for the sake of speeding this up, how about you list the selection of things I've being accused of and I'll speak up if there is anything I find I need to defend or want to ask about?" They agree.

But the agonisingly slow verbal explanation and the comical note taking continues.

Eventually I get to put forward my side of the story:

As far as I am concerned, I have done my job well. I carry out all my duties to the best of my abilities and have done from the beginning. Yes, I admit there have been some issues raised with me, but I have put these right, as you have mentioned. So I don't see why my employment here needs to be terminated. I also think people need to speak to me more clearly if they have an issue with any part of my performance here. Unlike the way I was spoken to by !!!Twat-That-Had- A-Big-Rant-At-Me-The-Other-Day!!! who spoke to me completely inappropriately. He also didn't stop when another employee entered the room and I think that is just unacceptable: That undermines me and my position here.

"OK, can you read that back?" Says the area manager.

A large heavy exhale comes from the big mawn: "I have done my job well, I carry out my duties well and I have tried to be a better employee. I think I have been treated unfairly by .

"Is that OK?" says the area manager.

Yes. It is OK. It is OK because they've made it clear that I'm not going to get a fair hearing here. They've already decided they don't want me here and so this whole process is laughable and pointless. Sure. Write whatever. Fuck it.

It carries on in this way, eventually the area manager and I are arguing over some points, I think I do quite a good job of touche-ing his accusations, such as: "Do you think it's right that in a 12 hour shift, a guard only spends a few hours doing his duties?" To which I replied, "If all the duties he has been asked to carry out only take him a few hours, then yes, I think it's perfectly acceptable."

Of course this wasn't going to buy me any brownie points.

In the end an email from TWAT THAT HAD BIG RANT, sent to the area manager was read out to me, making everything loud and clear: "I can't trust him anymore and I want him off the site" was the jist of it. Basically it was everything he had said to me, but now excluding the part where he said, "One more thing from you and I'm going to ask you to be removed from this site." Seemed he changed his mind about giving me that one more chance, between having a rant at me and writing the email to the area manager. At the end of the day, it's his call whether or not the security team stay there at all. In that sense, I guess I was collateral damage. Maybe my dismissal sends a message to the others to knuckle down. Though in fairness, 'I just didn't fit in there, I hated the job and didn't really try to hide it', is probably closer to the truth.

After all the to-ing and fro-ing I was sent off to get a coffee while they mulled it over. They took longer than I thought. I saw the area manager on the phone. Perhaps they were phoning TTHBR to confirm he wasn't going to change his mind. Maybe they actually were willing to give me another chance and thought they'd try and reason with the TTHBR. I doubt it though. In hindsight, seems more likely they knew exactly the outcome before I arrived.

What was the phone call about then?

Hiring new stuff? Letting HR know to send out the position and make it available? Sort out my last few weeks payment? General paperwork involved in the whole firing and rehiring someone probably.

After the break I was given my sentence. It was slightly humiliating, but slightly amusing. I'm not sure why I found it all so funny, maybe because it felt so unjust.

I was asked if there was anything I wanted to say, off the record (as notes were no longer being taken), the big mawn pipes up, "I can leave if you want." I really wanted him to, but I didn't want to say it. What would be the point? The area manager and him used to work together here. I didn't have any faith in the confidentiality of anything I said to either of them. Also, what good would it have then done to say, "Well actually, the big mawn there, he's been saying some pretty inappropriate stuff, here's a list..." At most it would get him taken aside to have a finger wagged in his face, maybe his wrists slapped. Combine that with the fact that I have a slight aversion to having my legs broke by huge tattoo'd Loyalists from Sandy Row!

Moving swiftly on... I did mention in the hearing that TTHBR was totally out of order and that someone should speak to him about this. In some small way I hoped this might help the other guards. If he was also told to calm down a bit and be less of a prick with people, then maybe their lives will be just a little less stressful and people will get on a bit better, but I certainly won't hold my breath. I won't even waste time inhaling, hoping that anything will be said to him at all.

So that was that. I said "I've never been fired before. This is an interesting feeling" and I smirked and before I left I said "I'm just going to go downstairs to buy a couple of things, do you's mind?" They didn't.

I got my £5 Lack table and £4 waste paper bin and was on my way back into the world of unemployment.

Everything is fine except the uncertainty of paying bills. I am fine about the way the hearing was actually just a crock of shit. I don't really mind that I was fired. I am fine that people there never really took to me, or me to them. I am fine to not have to travel over an hour to work each night. I won't really miss the wee hard men and the big lads talking about "gettin' the boys round" or "them there pakis" or whatever other inclusive and fun work banter they pour out of their face holes. I am happy with everything except the uncertainty of how I'm going to pay my bills.

But, aside from this big blog-a-thon, I have been on the case with that, so fingers crossed for the future. And maybe even one without wankers? Well we can dream.

Day 333 - Wanna go Halfers on a Lucifer?

"Fuck the system", Martin murmurs, looking at ticket stub 500 in his hand as he waits at the dole office.

- After arguing with a lady at the bank who wouldn't deposit his money into his account and insisted he use a machine, until she finally accepted it wasn't going to accept his money.

- As he climbed into bed around 10pm, somehow worn out after only being up for 9 or 10 hours.

"I'll do it all again tomorrow" Martin whispers before falling asleep.

I'm not sure if I have the beginnings of a cold or something, but I'm feeling quite tired and cold. I felt this way yesterday after dinner. Maybe my system is a bit run down, due to "stress" or something?

I'm not sick, just a bit tired and ... maybe a bit emotionally tender?

Meh...

On the plus side:

Handed in an application form for a job I REALLY REALLY REALLY want, so wish me luck!

Applied for a few other jobs too so I'm making an effort.

Signed on (as mentioned above) just in case.

And for the most part being mature and sensible about all this, even though there is still a lot of bitterness under the surface: I feel it was unfair dismissal really, but more than that, I feel they were, essentially, a pack of total wankers really. So fuck it. Twatterings. I do not need such twattery in my life.

I visited my parents on Saturday there and was reminded of the joys of West Belfast: In a fish & chip shop a girl, couldn't be any more than 15, wearing a blue tracksuit, gold chain starts telling her friend behind the counter (and thus the whole shop) that: "They've taken my baby off me again. That's another 12 weeks I'm nat ganna have her! I don't know what I'm ganna do. I'm ganna be even warse nay!" And her friend behind the counter agrees: "That's the thing, if they take your child off ye, yer ganna act up aren't ye leek?"

Hmm. Perhaps and maybe, I'm overstepping the line here, but you know, perhaps, having your child taken off you by social services is the very real and hard hitting message that you need to open up your eyes and fucking look at? Perhaps it is the very fact that this is happening to you, that should make you take a step back and think about the circumstances that have brought you here and what you can do to prevent this from happening again...

Christ I feel like Jeremy fucking Kyle. But maybe that's what she's herself as: Just some Jeremy Kyle future participant, explaining how hard it is and like, you know, I should be givin' help or sumfin'?

Shudder.

What a place worth fighting for eh? What charm and fucking pride one should have in their heritage and their community, wah?

"Sure we're nat all like that" No, it's not your fault. It's your parents. They fuck you up, as Larkin rightly said.

But bringing a little bundle of joy into the World, only for it to be discarded and neglected and left to face the future on it's own, while it's mum and dad couldn't care fucking less how this child feels to be rejected and to be left to fend for itself in a World it doesn't yet understand: I can't empathise with that.

And I can't help thinking about the hundreds of people brought up in these circumstances. It doesn't excuse the life of crime that normally follows, or the unwillingness to try and be educated or the total abandon and hedonism that these kids grow up in, because some people understand that to get out of a bad situation they have to approach it differently. Some people realise that just copying what everyone else does leads to the same pointless result, so they find another way.

The people who try to sabotage, bully, discourage or get in that person's way - that person who tries to get out of the crap upbringing inflicted on them: That person who truly wants to better themselves - those are the real villains. They deserve no pity or forgiveness. Though perhaps they deserve no retribution either, because their crime is their punishment: A life of never really knowing what better things exist.

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh again?

- "Well I'm a truth addict,

Oh shit I got a head rush"

Fuck it. I don't know. I don't really care. I just prefer not to be around those people and that part of the world. I don't see much to be proud of. I don't see much reason to stay there. Does that mean I'm just making a choice to bury my head in the sand over something that really effects me emotionally?

I guess teenage mum's aren't the only one avoiding the flan of harsh shite.

In other more upbeat and happy fun times news!!!

... umm... I've forgotten now. Clearly some stuff on my chest there. Hmm, of course you're all very welcome to get your psychology hats on and postulate:

Hmm maybe Martin is the one feeling neglected and these feelings stem back to his own childhood. Maybe Martin finds that his parents have never been able to give him an underlying sense of self belief or worth and he struggles with self motivation and self achievement. Maybe Martin seeks out this need for emotional and moral support in others?

Hmm maybe Martin should stop writing this shite and get back to finding a job.

Day 327 - app-ropriate?

I just never know where to put these wee mini rants. This adds to the very point I'm making below actually: How we have specific boxes for specific activities, experiences and feelings. Is that really a healthy thing? Read on:

So there must be some iphone app for Facebook that lets people say "I'm in X greasy spoon ordering fish" or "I'm at Z bus station", considering some updates I've seen recently. This seems somewhat disturbing. Is it because of the automated nature of these updates or the way the destination is highlighted for closer inspection, inviting people to pry into more of your real life activity? Is it just an utterly pointless way of giving free advertising to establishments? Is it just a tacky promotion of consumerism, tying it more tightly into social networking? Consuming = status! Is it just too much fucking information? It's one thing to tell me you're catching a bus, it's another to have some generic link attached to the fairly unimportant information, as though making it "formal". Is it that these people are making mundane activities sound important, as though that satisfies the human condition to share achievements or goals: "I ate a potato, now I'm complete!" Thus in turn making people actually very lazy and dull and uninterested in taking part in anything ACTUALLY interesting or challenging or anything that questions their world of banal little daily activities that have now become some sort of milestones? ... Is it all of the above? Am I just jealous I don't have an iPhone?

Day 327

It's a great feeling when you are engrossed in a story, blindly travelling up that roller-coaster of suspense with no idea what is around the next bend, not expecting anything, only knowing that you're enjoying the ride, when suddenly you are hit with the MASSIVE UNEXPECTED PLOT TWIST!

I don't want to spoil it for anyone, so I won't name the book in the hope someone else will get the same pleasure I did, but I was so ecstatic I literally giggled to myself on the bus just now. I couldn't wait to wade through the rain and jump on this here blog, just so I could go "isn't it class when a book totally fucks with your head?"

While we're on the topic of great plot twists: It appears I might be getting the sack on Thursday!

I've a big formal hearing and a letter that says, "...because you're still within your 6 month probationary period we may terminate your contract."

It's weird how mutha-fucken Zen I am feeling about all of this stuff lately.

I guess I am just glad something is happening. It might not be so good for me to be fired, certainly it won't look good on my CV (then again, why would I want to mention this job on any future CV?), but I am glad changes are coming.

I feel like, well, just like... Fuck it. I guess, I know that they know that I know that I just don't really care, so instead of worrying that people are pissed off about this and pissed off at me all the time, we're going to get it all out in the open.

It has to be said, a year ago, I'd be a mess trying to deal with the reasonably sized, Shit Mountain that's been looming over me of late.

Anyway, other than using my laptop in work and surfing-dem-darn-internets I don't see what dirt they've got on me. I was given a written warning for the laptop incident and never brought it into work again.

Which makes me actually think "no but really, what are they going to try and fire me over?" General bad performance? Surely not.

General bad attitude? Hmmm...

So maybe this is just going to be one of those final warning type meetings? Ach, I'll be disappointed if it is. I won't have my chance to be all righteous and flounce off into the sunset.

On the other hand, not getting fired might be a slightly better career path at this juncture. Then I can get the finger out and find something else. Tout suite.

Maybe I will get fired though.

In other news, somebody move into my house please? Go on. It'll be a laugh!

http://belfast.gumtree.com/belfast/31/65850431.html

[ps. sorry about removing yesterday's blog entry, I'll put it back depending on how the meeting goes on Thursday]

Day 326 - WARNING CONTAINS RANTING!

Life is transient: we're always moving. Perhaps this is why I'm so bad with saving money?

... OK... So a bit of a warning here... The following is fairly RANT-TASTIC and I apologise in advance if you can't handle it or something. It's also quite long winded. I've found myself writing more and more these days, especially in work, where there is little else to do... But more on that in a moment................................

Maybe the answer is to just run away. I feel in my gut that this world is mostly a big crock of shit. Maybe the right choice is to turn against “good” and “normal”. Maybe the right choice is to turn to crime, to challenge the rules. Fuck the system.

Look how placated we are. Look at how TV controls us. The media rumour mills and the culture of controlling people through shame and guilt. Manipulation stifles people, keeps them in line. So much in society keeps our brains small and our imagination non-existent. It’s depressing how limited people are in their scope of the world, because the world is presented to them through an LCD plasma screen, pretty colours, soothing sounds, always pandering to us, keeping us in a little deluded playground reality.

It’s all bollocks.

Why are we so willing to hand over our lives to this system? Well, I guess we have such wonderful technology, we have well constructed housing and cheap groceries. You go ahead and have yourself a good time, a nice holiday, a dirty weekend, but just remember, we own you and you are OUR fucking property.

In medieval times people were stupid. They believed in witches and magic. They were loyal to Kings and Queens and busied themselves serving these leaders because they didn’t know anything else. So they’d spend their short lives fighting for them or building churches for them.

Now, we aren’t so stupid, now we need more sophisticated ways to make people pliable. Hello TV! Hello sensationalist news! Hello propaganda! Hello mind numbing advertising! It’s not some big conspiracy, controlled by a shady, fascist elite, but it kinda is, in a way…

Things could be very different, fairly easily. It wouldn’t be that hard to reshape the structure of civilisation. To re-address the balance of wealth and power. To re-address how we value human life and human values. There are a few elite who have quite a lot of influence over the way the world works and they probably don’t even realise the true nature of the power they have.

Whether it’s intentional or not, every human being carries the mentality of oppression: That’s how ‘they’ really get you. They get your mind! You can’t imprison a whole country and expect people to be happy about it and be loyal, but if you can penetrate their minds and instil an idea, then that idea will grow and spread like a disease. Eventually you have the fully functioning brain of patriotism. This is where people judge their world by the boundaries of the country that they are in: how close they are to the sea. The next nearest town: The colours of flags, skin, language. Us and them.

The idea instilled into people is that no one deserves to be free of all responsibility. No one has the right to just do nothing. Unless they are too old or infirm, in which case they’re just left alone to die. Those that try to be truly free and react against conformity are broken down, bit by bit, by those all around them, poisoned and brainwashed by the idea that we’re all meant to suffer and struggle until we die.

It’s deemed as some sort of madness by psychologists and those who study the human mind, when people want to escape the world around them: psychology tells us what is the “right” and “healthy” way to function in this world, so that we can ostracize those that don’t fit in with these meaningless labels.

Maybe it’s right to just say, Fuck The System! Fuck it completely. Fuck the whingers and the brain dead morons crying about taxes and immigrants and blah blah blah. Fuck their sanctimony. Fuck their righteousness and their selfishness and greed. Fuck their fucking shit taste in music and television: Their fat families and people carriers. Their local pubs and their bingo nights.

Maybe they all deserve to be laughed at and made fools of. They deserve to be shafted up the ass with more and more inflation, pay cuts, job losses, because frankly, they’re just too dull to think outside the box. Why don’t they think of some new ways to make the world work for them and stop complaining and being slaves in the rat race? Why are they just unimaginative dicks?

They are programmed to be small minded and to believe the world is limited by walls and rules. It doesn’t have to be this way…

BUT … ALL OF THIS IS A MASSIVE CLICHÉ!

Rebelling against society and the system.

Anarchy for all! - How idealistic and pathetic really.

And how exactly do I plan to survive in this free world without money or food? Will I steal from others? Will I rob? Will I scam? Oh dear, oh dear.

Freedom is a scary concept really: Actual freedom - no rules - just you and nature… That’s not something I’d be too quick to dive into, in all fairness.

But some alternative to this I would welcome.

I want to be somewhere else. Not here, working for this massive faceless corporation offering endless runs of banal furniture from a warehouse: yet another business structured with an army of drones and a convoluted hierarchy within. The bureaucracy of it all is so cringe worthy: ticking boxes and meeting targets, it’s like witchcraft.

It’s that medieval control again: brainwashing people to be subservient through the use of propaganda, rumour, hocus pocus.

Until you have obedient little worker bees, who won’t stop and consider their real power: Their collective power to turn the whole establishment upside-down. Why would they? With our tiny lives with our limited scope, we need this job, this money, this slavery.

…OK. So here’s what has happened…

I got into work last night and my boss tore me a new asshole. He says one more step over the line and I is outta here. He’s says I’m monkeying around too much and he says that he isn’t paying me for nothing. He’s right though; I shouldn’t be using Microsoft Paint and drawing little landscapes on company time. I shouldn’t be using my laptop and surfing the net.

But I’d like to see him sit here for 12 hours, 4 nights in a row without some kind of stimulation, and see how he copes. He’s a good guy. He’s an intelligent, mentally active person. I can see how his mind is always running, busy, in need of challenges. He stresses himself out, he gives himself more work than he has to and acts like it’s a pain in the ass, but he chooses to do it, because he enjoys the challenge, he enjoys being busy and being kept on his toes.

He would go insane doing my job. I’d give him two weeks.

So OK, I’m a fuck up here. I don’t care enough, I do the bare minimum and I avoid getting to know the staff. I don’t want to make small talk and I don’t care if no one likes me and people see me as the weirdo beardo. I bite my fist every time I have to listen to that excruciating, meaningless “banter” that I hear between other employees. I’ve heard racist slurs being bandied about, homophobia; I’ve heard retarded arguments about immigrants, interesting points about how people shouldn’t tout on the paramilitaries. You know… the usual. And of course, the old chestnut of how the job is so hard and everyone is so unhappy, but hey ho, another day, another dollar, back to the grindstone, oh well, what can you do about it, huh?…

Kill yourself. That’s what you can do. Fuck off and kill yourself. (ooh get me and my misanthropy: Bitter much?)

Is that too harsh? Sorry. Maybe don’t kill yourself, maybe please just stop making me listen to the same pseudo-discontent, rhetoric and regurgitated nonsense over and over and over again when you know you don’t really mean it: You love your job, you love being a little worker bee in the safe confines of the hive and you love pretending to be above it all. Are you really unhappy? I don’t think you are. You don’t sound very sincere. Either you’re actually not bothered or you’re a total sadist.

Anyway the fact is: I can handle this job. I am capable of doing all the little tasks and reports. I am punctual and courteous to all these people I work with, (even if I don’t really say much, I’m still polite). So, basically, he’s totally wrong giving off to me and giving me shit (in front of another member of staff too!). Maybe collectively, the security team have not been making the best impression recently, but hey, that’s not my fucking fault. I’m the night guard and I don’t have anything to do with what goes on here during the day. I’m Vampirino Supremo.

So when he says, “I’ve lost all confidence in you mate”, it really just makes me think, “No you haven’t, you’ve lost all confidence in this company, so don’t take it out on me you prick.” Besides my utter boredom and despair here, I’m actually doing my job properly, not that anyone has ever taken the time to notice or thank me for it!

Aye.

So. All of this, you’ll probably notice, is a rather long and angst-ridden way of me saying (once again): I really, really !!REALLY!! need a better job than this.

But wait a minute, doesn’t that just make me as bad as the worker bee’s who complain but won’t do anything about their situation?

Time will tell…

Look, contrary to what impression I might give off, I don’t mind working hard. I don’t mind being a “slave to the system maaaaaaaaaaaan”. I just want to do something that is actually worthwhile and contributing some sort of good, maybe. Or at least satisfying my inner needs to create: to add something to the world.

Instead I sit here and I feel utterly useless. I feel guilt at how stagnant I’ve become. The time I am wasting, doing nothing - Being a glorified alarm bell. Being a button monkey. A cloak room attendant. Sure it’s just a means to an end, but why can’t this means be just the tiniest bit less soul destroying and pointless? This job stinks and so by association my life stinks. I’m a pathetic subservient weakling to a bunch of ungrateful, bores. I need out. Fast.

So come on, brothers and sisters… JOIN ME! Let’s do it! Let’s unshackle ourselves. Release the chains! Break free! Undo this slavery!

Who’s with me?

…tumbleweed…

Day 323

I'm writing from the studio this morning. I've just had a bit of an all nighter here. Good times. Hexxed practice in a few hours. I should probably sleep soon.

Anyway, hi there. How's it going?

Electric Picnic was amazeballs!!!

Lots of highlights, including Jónsi: making sweet love with big anthemic, emotional and, actually, quite dancey vibes. What a voice, what a performance and the visuals were stunning!

Beardyman: Probably my favourite performance of the weekend. The guy is simply a fucking genius and it depresses me somewhat that I once thought I might be good at this old beat boxing shit. He said it himself: He came along and now all other beatboxers are irrelevant (cocky bastard, but he's right!!!) Got to chat to him and ask him about his set up and stuff. He uses 4 Kaoss Pads. 4!! Plus Ableton Live, 2 x Korg Micro Synths, another loop station of some sort, and a pitch shift / vocoder (I think). His set was non-stop and he had about 5000 people in a tent all jumping up and down for about an hour. Ledge-to-the-mutha-uckin'-end!

Bonobo: Guys were well chilled and lovely. Great band and it pulled a lot of people over to the main stage. By the end there were hundreds of people nodding their heads or dancing about.

Hot Chip: Only caught the end of these guys, but it was good shit. Great crowd response and all very lively and full of action on stage.

LCD Soundsystem: Similar... Good upbeat, disco-y stuff. I found the music a bit too repetitive at times, but the front man is quite mesmerising. His delivery and presence really kept my attention, so it all worked quite well.

Mumford & Sons: I felt it all got a bit samey after a few songs, but they were good. Main problem were all the noisy, drunken numpties singing along, drowning out the band.

Leftfield: Fucking rocked! It was all the old skool stuff. Only one song of their 2nd album, the rest from Leftism. I thought they must have had new stuff, for them to be touring again, but no. Still, I love all that old stuff, so I was well pleased.

Some comedy stuff was good: Ed Byrne made with the funnies. There was a Who's Line Is It Anyway? type improv group with Phil Jupitus, which was OK for a wee while, but got a bit stale fairly quickly.

Caught some poets in the spoken word tent, who were alright, but nothing I haven't heard a million times before: Gosh, isn't the World really hard and shit and being working class is so hard and shit and I'm so angry... BLAH BLAH BLAH. Yawn. Then there was "Obligatory poem about sex, which is cringeworthy, not because it dares to talk about sex, (oh gosh!) but because it's being delivered as though this is so exciting and risque... It's not...

Still, there were other interesting anecdotes and stuff to be had in the spoken word area.

And So I Watch You From Afar played a blinder. Big turn out for them too. I was giving it stacks to their set, it was just what I needed on Saturday afternoon. It's a shame that so many people don't move or jump about at gigs any more. It annoys the fuck out of me that the security won't even let people get up on other people's shoulders. It's such a fucking buzz kill. Still, I got into it and happily lost my mind, so fuck everybody else.

Massive Attack: Absolutely amazing lights / text / big multi-layered visual stuff, full of political messages which was exciting and enlightening at times, but a bit depressing and distracting also. I couldn't help thinking "ach, just play the fucking songs and stop trying to make us all feel guilty". It just felt a bit of a downer, considering they were the big finale to the whole festival. It was good though. Horace Andy was there. What a voice! Angel was much fun, especially when the lights lit up the entire crowd and you could see thousands of people being rained on, while being blasted with 100s of decibels of sound. Quite cool.

Enjoyed the Silent Disco (again).

Unkle were decent enough. Sound was terrible up the front.

Hmmm what else?

The Barcardi Stage had great beats and DJs all weekend. Only caught a bit of it, but I was really digging that shit.

Phil Selway was nice. Chilled. Nice arrangements and choice of instruments. I liked that his band was made up of multi-instrumentalist, it was like musical chairs, and at the end they all climbed onto the drum kit for a big percussion jam finale.

Aside from that, the food was great at a few places, I had the best shepherd's pie EVER! at one wee stall. A decent enough fry up at a wee family run cafe. Another had amusingly whacky staff and nice cake. There was all sorts of food there, mexican, chinese, italian, indian and it wasn't too dear. I also really loved the aesthetics and architecture of the place, especially the Body & Soul area, which had some installation stuff and lots of little tents and stages that looked very home made and natural.

The camp site we stayed in was fine. I didn't think much about it until we walked through the 'normal' camp site on our way home, then I noticed the difference. I am glad we paid a bit extra for that separated site, we had clean toilets, showers (though average waiting time in the queue was about an hour) and security. The place was just clean all weekend, which was a plus.

Being sober at Electric Picnic was fine. Seeing all the drunken and mashed up people was grand, it never got to a point where I thought, "get these crazies away from me!!" except maybe during Mumford & Sons when I just wanted them to shut the fuck up and listen to the band instead of singing over them, but hey, you can't really blame them I suppose. People were pretty well behaved actually, as far as I could see. There was a real mix of people too. Plenty of older folk and wee kiddies. I guess Electric Picnic is a bit more "posh" than your usual festival, then again it's the only festival I've been to, (besides Glasgowbury, but that's tiny in comparison).

Anyway, that was Electric Picnic. I've hundreds of photos up on my Facebook, if you don't use Facebook... Well... You can probably do without them... I can't be arsed uploading them all again. I imagine you'll probably live.

Since Electric Picnic I've been trying to get back into making music again. I've been feeling a little inspired by some of those bands and performances. I've been looking for work again. I've applied for plenty of jobs and sent out CVs etc. Sigh. Yes, I need to get out of this security job soon (as I'm sure I've said many times before)... I will get out of the security job soon. There. Positive attitude.

I've been reading a lot more of late. Currently I'm on Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. Ummm... It's about sex addicts. So yea. Fun. Read some others recently and got some more books off Amazon, in the post.

What else? Aye, sorry for this being a fairly dry, unimaginative list type post, I'm just kinda tired (it's 6:30am) and I'm at the studio having just spent 8 hours working on music. Working on music!! YAY!! That's right. New music and stuff... Yes.

Right, think that's enough for now.

Oh and I just turned 31. I had a nice time with my family and didn't get too bothered by the fact that I'M OLD AND I'M SLOWLY RUNNING OUT OF TIME AND SOON IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING USEFUL WITH MY FUCKING LIFE!!!! ........ No. Positive mental attitude. I'm gaining more experience. Yes. I'm becoming more wise and more ....... awww bollocks to this... Night night...