Day 326 - WARNING CONTAINS RANTING!

Life is transient: we're always moving. Perhaps this is why I'm so bad with saving money?

... OK... So a bit of a warning here... The following is fairly RANT-TASTIC and I apologise in advance if you can't handle it or something. It's also quite long winded. I've found myself writing more and more these days, especially in work, where there is little else to do... But more on that in a moment................................

Maybe the answer is to just run away. I feel in my gut that this world is mostly a big crock of shit. Maybe the right choice is to turn against “good” and “normal”. Maybe the right choice is to turn to crime, to challenge the rules. Fuck the system.

Look how placated we are. Look at how TV controls us. The media rumour mills and the culture of controlling people through shame and guilt. Manipulation stifles people, keeps them in line. So much in society keeps our brains small and our imagination non-existent. It’s depressing how limited people are in their scope of the world, because the world is presented to them through an LCD plasma screen, pretty colours, soothing sounds, always pandering to us, keeping us in a little deluded playground reality.

It’s all bollocks.

Why are we so willing to hand over our lives to this system? Well, I guess we have such wonderful technology, we have well constructed housing and cheap groceries. You go ahead and have yourself a good time, a nice holiday, a dirty weekend, but just remember, we own you and you are OUR fucking property.

In medieval times people were stupid. They believed in witches and magic. They were loyal to Kings and Queens and busied themselves serving these leaders because they didn’t know anything else. So they’d spend their short lives fighting for them or building churches for them.

Now, we aren’t so stupid, now we need more sophisticated ways to make people pliable. Hello TV! Hello sensationalist news! Hello propaganda! Hello mind numbing advertising! It’s not some big conspiracy, controlled by a shady, fascist elite, but it kinda is, in a way…

Things could be very different, fairly easily. It wouldn’t be that hard to reshape the structure of civilisation. To re-address the balance of wealth and power. To re-address how we value human life and human values. There are a few elite who have quite a lot of influence over the way the world works and they probably don’t even realise the true nature of the power they have.

Whether it’s intentional or not, every human being carries the mentality of oppression: That’s how ‘they’ really get you. They get your mind! You can’t imprison a whole country and expect people to be happy about it and be loyal, but if you can penetrate their minds and instil an idea, then that idea will grow and spread like a disease. Eventually you have the fully functioning brain of patriotism. This is where people judge their world by the boundaries of the country that they are in: how close they are to the sea. The next nearest town: The colours of flags, skin, language. Us and them.

The idea instilled into people is that no one deserves to be free of all responsibility. No one has the right to just do nothing. Unless they are too old or infirm, in which case they’re just left alone to die. Those that try to be truly free and react against conformity are broken down, bit by bit, by those all around them, poisoned and brainwashed by the idea that we’re all meant to suffer and struggle until we die.

It’s deemed as some sort of madness by psychologists and those who study the human mind, when people want to escape the world around them: psychology tells us what is the “right” and “healthy” way to function in this world, so that we can ostracize those that don’t fit in with these meaningless labels.

Maybe it’s right to just say, Fuck The System! Fuck it completely. Fuck the whingers and the brain dead morons crying about taxes and immigrants and blah blah blah. Fuck their sanctimony. Fuck their righteousness and their selfishness and greed. Fuck their fucking shit taste in music and television: Their fat families and people carriers. Their local pubs and their bingo nights.

Maybe they all deserve to be laughed at and made fools of. They deserve to be shafted up the ass with more and more inflation, pay cuts, job losses, because frankly, they’re just too dull to think outside the box. Why don’t they think of some new ways to make the world work for them and stop complaining and being slaves in the rat race? Why are they just unimaginative dicks?

They are programmed to be small minded and to believe the world is limited by walls and rules. It doesn’t have to be this way…

BUT … ALL OF THIS IS A MASSIVE CLICHÉ!

Rebelling against society and the system.

Anarchy for all! - How idealistic and pathetic really.

And how exactly do I plan to survive in this free world without money or food? Will I steal from others? Will I rob? Will I scam? Oh dear, oh dear.

Freedom is a scary concept really: Actual freedom - no rules - just you and nature… That’s not something I’d be too quick to dive into, in all fairness.

But some alternative to this I would welcome.

I want to be somewhere else. Not here, working for this massive faceless corporation offering endless runs of banal furniture from a warehouse: yet another business structured with an army of drones and a convoluted hierarchy within. The bureaucracy of it all is so cringe worthy: ticking boxes and meeting targets, it’s like witchcraft.

It’s that medieval control again: brainwashing people to be subservient through the use of propaganda, rumour, hocus pocus.

Until you have obedient little worker bees, who won’t stop and consider their real power: Their collective power to turn the whole establishment upside-down. Why would they? With our tiny lives with our limited scope, we need this job, this money, this slavery.

…OK. So here’s what has happened…

I got into work last night and my boss tore me a new asshole. He says one more step over the line and I is outta here. He’s says I’m monkeying around too much and he says that he isn’t paying me for nothing. He’s right though; I shouldn’t be using Microsoft Paint and drawing little landscapes on company time. I shouldn’t be using my laptop and surfing the net.

But I’d like to see him sit here for 12 hours, 4 nights in a row without some kind of stimulation, and see how he copes. He’s a good guy. He’s an intelligent, mentally active person. I can see how his mind is always running, busy, in need of challenges. He stresses himself out, he gives himself more work than he has to and acts like it’s a pain in the ass, but he chooses to do it, because he enjoys the challenge, he enjoys being busy and being kept on his toes.

He would go insane doing my job. I’d give him two weeks.

So OK, I’m a fuck up here. I don’t care enough, I do the bare minimum and I avoid getting to know the staff. I don’t want to make small talk and I don’t care if no one likes me and people see me as the weirdo beardo. I bite my fist every time I have to listen to that excruciating, meaningless “banter” that I hear between other employees. I’ve heard racist slurs being bandied about, homophobia; I’ve heard retarded arguments about immigrants, interesting points about how people shouldn’t tout on the paramilitaries. You know… the usual. And of course, the old chestnut of how the job is so hard and everyone is so unhappy, but hey ho, another day, another dollar, back to the grindstone, oh well, what can you do about it, huh?…

Kill yourself. That’s what you can do. Fuck off and kill yourself. (ooh get me and my misanthropy: Bitter much?)

Is that too harsh? Sorry. Maybe don’t kill yourself, maybe please just stop making me listen to the same pseudo-discontent, rhetoric and regurgitated nonsense over and over and over again when you know you don’t really mean it: You love your job, you love being a little worker bee in the safe confines of the hive and you love pretending to be above it all. Are you really unhappy? I don’t think you are. You don’t sound very sincere. Either you’re actually not bothered or you’re a total sadist.

Anyway the fact is: I can handle this job. I am capable of doing all the little tasks and reports. I am punctual and courteous to all these people I work with, (even if I don’t really say much, I’m still polite). So, basically, he’s totally wrong giving off to me and giving me shit (in front of another member of staff too!). Maybe collectively, the security team have not been making the best impression recently, but hey, that’s not my fucking fault. I’m the night guard and I don’t have anything to do with what goes on here during the day. I’m Vampirino Supremo.

So when he says, “I’ve lost all confidence in you mate”, it really just makes me think, “No you haven’t, you’ve lost all confidence in this company, so don’t take it out on me you prick.” Besides my utter boredom and despair here, I’m actually doing my job properly, not that anyone has ever taken the time to notice or thank me for it!

Aye.

So. All of this, you’ll probably notice, is a rather long and angst-ridden way of me saying (once again): I really, really !!REALLY!! need a better job than this.

But wait a minute, doesn’t that just make me as bad as the worker bee’s who complain but won’t do anything about their situation?

Time will tell…

Look, contrary to what impression I might give off, I don’t mind working hard. I don’t mind being a “slave to the system maaaaaaaaaaaan”. I just want to do something that is actually worthwhile and contributing some sort of good, maybe. Or at least satisfying my inner needs to create: to add something to the world.

Instead I sit here and I feel utterly useless. I feel guilt at how stagnant I’ve become. The time I am wasting, doing nothing - Being a glorified alarm bell. Being a button monkey. A cloak room attendant. Sure it’s just a means to an end, but why can’t this means be just the tiniest bit less soul destroying and pointless? This job stinks and so by association my life stinks. I’m a pathetic subservient weakling to a bunch of ungrateful, bores. I need out. Fast.

So come on, brothers and sisters… JOIN ME! Let’s do it! Let’s unshackle ourselves. Release the chains! Break free! Undo this slavery!

Who’s with me?

…tumbleweed…