AFTER Sober For A Year - Day 16

Quite obviously the excesses of the weekend have caught up with me today. In fairness, I only had 3 hours sleep last night, but right now there's a fog over everything.

BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD. BAD.

Things will be OK, I know it. I just need to sleep off this tiredness. Tomorrow I'll be up at the same time (7:30am) and I'll feel more refreshed. More positive. Clearer.

Right now though, I am re-learning that lesson that just seems to slip through my mind, incapable of leaving a permanent dent in my memory: Alcohol is ALWAYS going to do this to me. Excesses like the weekend past are ALWAYS going to leave me feeling this way all through Monday. It's not a hangover. A hangover would be bliss compared to this!

It's a fog between me and hope. It's the constant sinking feeling in my chest; that stone in the throat; that emotional delicacy that can break into pathetic tears in an instant. Always swaying from just-about-coping to just-about-to-completely-breakdown.

I'm no use to anyone in this state.

All I can see is the shite side of the moon.

And I actually feel a sense of wanting to blame someone else for all this, somehow. How naive! As though this wasn't self inflicted. But people told me I'd be OK. Everyone was having a laugh, no one said, "Hey, be careful, come Monday you're going to regret this!" But that's because no one seems to believe that the way my system reacts to this stuff is very different to how they (and the majority of others) react to this stuff.

Yea. But the reality is: I'm a fucking adult and I have to take responsibility for my own well being and my own mental health.

So for now it's dry-your-eyes time, go home, climb into bed and 'chillax'! *Flips black dyed fringe*