Saturday 31st October 2010
- 1.5 pints of Guinness
Wednesday 3rd November 2010
- 1 pint of Guinness
Friday 5th November 2010
- 1 bottle of Tiger Beer at QFT for The Hub gig.
- 3 pints of Guinness in Lavery's.
- 0.5 bottle of wine at my house.
Wednesday 10th November 2010
- 2 pints of Guinness at The Parlour (post QUBe pints)
- Bottle of wine at home after
Friday 12th November 2010a
- Approx. 4 bottles of Peroni beer
- and a couple of swigs of Buckfast up at the Studio
- Approx. 4 pints of Guinness at ECKER in McHughs Basement
- 4 cans of Carlsberg,
- 1 JD and coke
- and a couple of swigs of Pimms (ewww) at house party after ECKER
Saturday 13th November 2010
- 3 pints of Guinness at Katy Daly's
- around 3 cans of Carlsberg and 1 bottle of red wine at party after
I've also put all that into this: http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/tips-and-tools/drink-diary/
Though, I don't feel much the wiser. I know that this is considerably over the "recommended" amount of alcohol "Da'Govimint" says I should consume, so in a way I guess it's hard to call this "moderation"?
Certainly this last Friday night was pretty full on. Partying was a-happy-happenin' for sure. Friday last weekend wasn't quite so bad, but then baring in mind that I had spent a year sober, I was cautious to not overdo it immediately. So from that point of view, it was still a large amount of giving in to temptation.
I guess I'm feeling fine now. I've spent all day being in bed really, but I don't feel any negative, mental aspects.
I've been a little anxious the last few days when thinking to myself, "What have I really learnt from the last year?"
I am worried that I don't really know!
I've learnt that I can choose to stay off drink if I want to, but, well I don't want to, anymore. I guess.
But not so long ago I was planning on NEVER drinking again. Yet, within hours of completing the Sober For A Year challenge I'd a pint of Guinness. It says to me that being honest with myself about these things, is still an issue: I've always lied to myself in the past about my relationship with drink, "Oh, I don't drink that much. I have control of it. I can moderate", when blatantly I rarely had any control over myself whenever I went out to drink with people. Moderation has NEVER been a skill of mine. So here I am again, back on the sauce and already the delusions about how much I will or won't have come back, "After the year being sober I probably won't drink again". And even in the last couple of weeks, "I've been drinking again, but I'll keep an eye on it". Yea. Right.
I'm not being too hard on myself either: I have really enjoyed the last few nights I've been drinking with people and it hasn't resulted in any bad behaviour or loss of control, maybe just a thump in the pocket really.
But I feel somewhat of a fraud now: Any attempt to climb up on some sort of soap box, making a commentary on drinking habits and alcohol in our culture is kind of diminished by how quickly I went straight back to drinking.
Oh well?!
Hmmm.
Hi Marty, in my twenties I stopped drinking for two years. During that time I was able to get my life back on track after years of alcohol abuse. I drank again and it took me another decade to stop. A lot of bad stuff happened during that ten years but I was unable to quit again for any length of time - I still believed that my drinking could be controlled if the conditions were right. I even accepted a job in Saudi Arabia because I hoped the fact that alcohol was illegal there could help me - it didn't. I'm Irish but I live in Thailand. I stopped drinking altogether about four and half years ago with the help of a temple here. My life has been fantastic since then and I don't miss alcohol from my life one bit.
ReplyDeleteI think you are at a crossroads in your life. You are worried about the amount of alcohol back in your life so soon after a year sober. All I can tell you is that it has been a lot easier for me to stop drinking then it ever was for me to put limits on myself. If there was a medicine available that would ensure that I'd never want more than a couple of pints I wouldn't want it. Life is wonderful without alcohol. As they say in Thailand though, up to you.
Yes reminds me a bit f the (very short) time during which I actually tried to drink with moderation. as opposed to never giving any thoughts to limits other than how much I could afford to buy, ..as I didnt have much money in school or as a student.
ReplyDeletewhat they say over here is 'Its better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be 'out there', pretending you're not'
and 'bring your body and your mind will follow'.
Might be worth a thought. One is too many and a hundred arent enough for me, whether its jaffa cakes or beer so its much easier for me to avoid picking up the first drink (or jaffa cake) a day at a time, rather than draw some indeterminate line in the sand that cannot be maintained.
I've been to a meeting in Belfast and I thought it was pretty cool, but then the culture up there is uniquely informal and enquiring so people still all engage each other and always end up knowing someone you know. Well anyway, I thought the one I attended was pretty cool. Typically eccentric but I like eccentric people. But then I don't find AA meetings boring. They are an unusual subculture. 'The pub with no beer' as I like to think of them.. Oh yes and there are plenty of gay aa members. Over here anyway.
Well anyway I hope you mull it over. I have the feeling you will find the idea !! very unappealing right now :) but there is a seat for you and a cup tea (perhaps even a bourbon cream!) waiting for you in Belfast meetings should you decide to make use of them :)
Plus you get to talk !! endlessly ! about yourself, or ? whatever you like really, which is always a bonus :)
Thanks guys. I think moderation is simply not something I've EVER been able to manage.
ReplyDeleteMy addiction to ridiculous amounts of sweets and treats (whole tubes of pringles in one go, bags of sour fizzy things) is another example of this.
Though I've noticed that as I've gotten older, I've gave into those urges less: I've just been sickened by the idea of eating too much sugar and I can have a few handfuls of pringles then go find something else to do.
There are those weak moments though.
I guess over the next few weeks I'll try moderation and if it's obvious that I'm not able to restrain myself, or if restraining myself leads me to have less of a good night out, then come January 1st 2011, it'll be SOBER FOREVER time, maybe?
I like the phrase, "everything in moderation, even moderation", but I'd be kidding myself if that was how I was trying to justify the last couple of weeks.
Hi Marty, at the end of the day you call the shots. Looking back now though, it seems to me that every extra day drinking was a day that I wasted. Maybe it had to be that way, but still.
ReplyDeleteIf you can learn to moderate your drinking and have a good life then fair play to you - I couldn't do it. I think that continuing to blog about this subject after the year is going to be very useful to people so keep it up.
Temptation unfortunatly is so dam tempting at times. I can relate to the eating of far too many sugary treats when they are there looking at you. For me having someone there to actually help moderate things at times can be very helpful. A person to sit there and say right you have had a few now on to the orange juice or something similar.
ReplyDeleteIn the long run it has helped me be very aware of what I am doing and with drinking I have got to the point where I have maybe one drink and no more.
Changing a habit of a lifetime be it breaking lack of moderation or your posture in which you sit and walk will not be an easy thing. It will take time and possibly help from others until you actually feel like you can do it yourself. Perhaps you could distract your mind from it by writing a new piece of music everytime your mind wanders to temptation or learning something new do something engaging with the mind.
One thing is for sure is that you should not expect such a drastic change even after a year of soberness as it is taking yourself out of your social norm thus meaning your not moderating your intake but denying it. So don't feel down about drinking now, realise that now is the start of the moderation and take the year off the drink as an informative perspective of social interactions and drink.
Yea, I think that can be one way to look at it Ryan, cheers. I think: Give myself the chance to try and moderate, but be honest with myself about that: If it's something I really can't manage I'll just have to cut it out completely. I'm thinking aiming for the New Year to make the decision.
ReplyDelete