Day 81

Organising my trip to London seriously today, checking timetables to make sure I get to the airport on time, printing out booking reference numbers and small maps of where I'm staying etc. something happened to me while I downloaded a PDF of the London Underground that was most surprising and perplexing dear reader:

I got nervous!

I got nervous?

Yes, I got nervous.

I got incredibly nervous at the realisation that I'm going to be travelling around London on my own when I arrive on Friday. Big bad London!

When I booked this trip a couple of months ago, I was thinking about all the old haunts with a mixture of nostalgia and cynicism, but at the same time I wanted to go and see some of those cool places I never really got round to seeing when I lived there and maybe take in some of the 'old haunts' that I actually did enjoy.

Now that it's becoming a reality, I'm a mess. This is really not like me.

I like travelling on my own. I like to see new places on my own. I'm not intimidated by having only myself for company.

So what is going on?

Perhaps, last time I was in London (2005) I was a very different person and yet I fear that going back and seeing these old places (and some old faces) I'm going to be brought back into that state of mind, rather unwillingly. In fact, kicking and screaming.

I want to believe I am not that person anymore. I have changed a lot in the last 5 years.
But have I really?

This is like some sort of test. Not a holiday.

In a sense, I feel I want to move back there. I am feeling that same (possibly misguided) concept of London as this excellent place, with EVERYTHING I could ever want and endless places and exciting people to meet.

Yet, it's combined with this feeling of having to just plan out a weekend and behave just like a tourist.

What the ferk is wrong with me?

I'm just excited I guess. I can't wait!