Caffeine

I remember when I was about 15, a few friends and I were at a houseparty. We were drinking alco-pops and getting typically silly, typsy and wrecking all around us.

Someone suggested trying Pro-Plus: The caffeine tablets that are designed to prevent you from falling asleep. So I took a few of these. They didn't seem to have any physical effect, I thought, as I climbed into a wardrobe and refused to come out. Several hours later I was still tweaking. I was in a violent mood, I wanted to fight or wrestle or smash something, or someone.

Eventually this pent up energy was unleashed on a close friend and it all ended in me shouting abuse it him. Somehow he was the source of my annoyance and frustration. Immediately after we fell out, I felt terrible. I knew I had been wrong, but I also felt apologising was pointless, as he wouldn't be able to believe I was sincere after seeing me behave like such a totally different person.

Weeks or maybe months later we were able to be friends again, but I never felt our relationship completely healed after my caffeine fuelled outburst.

Needless to say, I now realise that another chemical to add to my list of "substances that I react badly too" is caffeine. Today I've been feeling that same sense of pent up energy that is begging to be unleashed on something or someone quite violently or explosively.

If I could channel it creatively, then we'd all be good, but it's very hard to focus. Writing this right now, is my attempt at pulling on the reins a bit.

I'm off to Tescos in a minute to get me some decaf. Hopefully I don't kill anyone on my way to the checkout.