January 11th. Ach, well only 3 and a bit months of totally avoiding this site and the SFAY mission.
Well, probably needless to say: I failed SFAY - PART 2. Massively!
I went to Brighton, mid-January and I planned to let myself drink a little, as I wanted to let my hair down.
The plan was to begin Sober For A Year - Part 2, when I got back from Brighton. But that never really materialised. Instead I just decided I'd moderate myself more, while I spent my time dedicated to the Song A Day For A Year project, which is still trucking along nicely. - I have 108 songs so far!
Have a listen PLUG!!! http://sadfay.bandcamp.com
All completely original. Most of them quite different from each other, in terms of style and music "genre" (or idiom). I've been enjoying this project, intensely. I've been collaborating with some very cool musicians with it too. Some of these songs are the best music I've ever made and that surprises me, because I never thought I could create such satisfying pieces of music in one day.
So I have been "SORT OF" reserved in my drinking in the last few months, but recently drinking has happened: Wed, Fri, Sat, Sun and Mon
Hmmm...
Am I slipping into a dodgy routine again?
Do I care?
I start a new job in May, so perhaps I'm trying to enjoy myself now, knowing this is going to be the only chance, as I won't be able to book holidays over the summer when this job begins.
I don't know what to think. Maybe I'm getting into a bad routine with drink again. Maybe it's not that big a deal. Maybe I do drink quite a bit, but maybe I've been able to balance that, reasonably well.
Or maybe, I'm writing all this because I am quite concerned with how much I've let myself go recently. It's a tough call. Or is it an easy call and I'm in denial?
Hmmm
Maybe it requires, a sensible, mature head and this is where MODERATION is supposed to kick in: OK, too much recently, get away from it for a couple of weeks, or just drink much, much, less if I am going out.
Hey, read your post and like how honest you are being with yourself.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, congratulations on going sober for a year - that is a real achievement!
Second, I have only been sober for 39 days and counting and am still in the "very gently and carefully go a day at a time" stage. Third, I feel it is inappropriate to offer advice or whatever - just support and perhaps some words of wisdom some other guy said.
Here it is. It was about being complacent, and not recognizing and appreciating and celebrating the awesomeness of our achievements when we achieve them.
Like when I gave up smoking the first time, and a few months later - confident I would never slip up again - starting sharing a fag here and there, and then I was buying a pack of cigarettes to repay my mates.
Soon enough I was lighting up before breakfast again.
Yeah. No advice, just my experience. Cheers, and hope to stay in touch.
Brendan
Cheers for the support Brendan! :)
ReplyDeletehi martin..I wrote to u a while ago, when I first considered quitting..Well after that I quit drinking, on new years, so its been 6 months since I last had a drink (yeah!) and then 3 months ago I also quit smoking (I stil cant believe I did that)..Turns out I enjoy extremes so now that I dont drink till I drop or chain smoke I think of booze and cigs and feel like throwing up!.I dont know how this ever happened, but anyway the point of me writing this is that it feels strange to read you "start a new job in May, so perhaps I'm trying to enjoy myself now" so ur back to drinking..The whole point of quitting was that it wasnt fun anymore..right? I mean at least for me..And since I quit and kept on going out, Ive seen that if its a fun night I'll have fun sober or drunk, and if its a lame night it 'll be boring sober or drunk! so whats the point? To be honest I looked up ur blog to see how u doing cause just now I was considering maybe having one drink next time i go out, and although I dont mind the idea i think it makes me physically ill thinking about it..ok sorry this is too long..take care! :))
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is: If you stopped drinking for good reasons, then don't give into it again.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I stopped for good reasons, the reason being: Could I be sober for a year? Yes. I could. So clearly I can have some sort of control over how I live and how I indulge.
People say things like "once an alco, always an alco" and I see their logic, but I would say, "once a judgemental prick, always a judgemental prick" and if you're going to judge people on one part of their life, then you're a fucking moron.
At the same time, there's obviously a point where I say "OK this is too much" and that is different for different people, and so this is where we need to take a step back and look at ourselves more honestly. It's important that we can take that step back and I don't think everyone is capable of that. So I consider myself quite lucky that I seem to be equipped with recognising when things are pretty shitty for me, or when they're manageable. And I tend to apply that to my life, on a daily basis.
Thanks Martin, I liked your answer! And I agree about the judgmental thing. Still haven't had a drink since new year's in case you were wondering. Not sure if I'll drink or when I'll drink. Do feel like a sort of cripple though, as well as empowered.. Anyway, I hope life's treating you well, good luck with everything you do :)
ReplyDeleteHey, that sounds good Theodora: Nearly a year without drink, it might be a shame to break that now. You're on a roll!
ReplyDeletehaha yes I am! I've been on a willpower high all year, but I think I won't be 100% satisfied unless I've achieved controlled drinking..which I'm dreading obviously..It's good to know you've managed it! I'll let you know how it goes!
ReplyDeleteHi Martin, it's me again, your sober groupie! From your site it looks like you've been doing pretty well for yourself, see?? And you were worried! I'm really happy for you!
ReplyDeleteSorry if I'm being annoying, it's just that you're the only person I know who hasn't had a drink in a year, so you're the only one I can ask! My one year sober is coming up, and I'm terrified of what to drink (I'm afraid I'm going to collapse!) so after a lot of thinking I decided to have beer, rather than wine or a cocktail, and have one or 2 max..Anyways, I know I'm being too specific considering you don't know me, but any advice/feedback would be great!
And no matter what happens in life in the future, we'll always have "been sober for a year"! Not many people can claim that turns out!:) Thanks for listening and good luck with everything you do!
Hey Theodora, my first drink after a year sober was a pint of Guinness. Damn it was good. I only had that one pint that evening. Then 2 at a party with friends the following night. I didn't drink again for about a week, I think, but then it was 3 or 4 pints I think.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was a sensible enough way to do it. Though on the other hand, why bother drinking at all? You've done a year, why not stay sober? That was my plan for a few months into the Sober challenge: To stay off it after the year, but I failed miserably at attempting that idea.
All the best with whatever you decide to do! :)
It doesn't feel normal being sober for life! I've made so much fun in my life of non-drinkers that it's hard to forget..Still don't know what I'll do though.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot, and good luck to you too! :)
It is good to know that you are honest to yourself with this posts. Being in that situation is quite hard for me, but good for you as you are able to change and cope well with it. responsible alcohol retailing
ReplyDeleteTheodora is right! If you want to quit, you have to motivate yourself to achieve it. If you want to quit drinking, then you have to stop no matter what happens. There are a lot of things to enjoy rather than alcohol. Try being with your friends, and just hang out and talk. Keep your thoughts away from drinking, and make yourself busy. I bet your new job will help you do just that. Anyway, good luck!
ReplyDeleteI agree Karina. I am fortunate to have friends who don't drink too much and things in my life that keep me busy and fulfil me (my music) so I'm finding being off the booze (as a permanent decision for once and for all) not so difficult. I get so much more enjoyment out of being with people in a sober and 'real' state of mind anyway.
ReplyDeleteI made the decision to stop permanently on 16th May 2012: http://sober-for-a-year.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/boozy-bye-byes.html
I like your post very much i had nice time while reading your post
ReplyDelete